Now before anyone asks, the answer is no, I’m not going through a break-up at the moment, but I’ve been through a few and have always wanted to share my tips on how to get through one. A break-up from a relationship is one of the hardest things to go through – I mean, you have to grieve the loss of someone who’s still alive, and if that isn’t heart-breaking then I don’t know what is.
I’m not going to make this post too personal as I’m in a loving relationship at the moment and I don’t want to disrespect the person I’m with by bringing up ex-boyfriends. But what I will say is that I had my first break-up when I was 18 and my second one when I was 20. I stayed single for 2/3 years after and then met Kevin, who I’m with now, and to be honest, no one compares to him. But at the time of a break-up, you ALWAYS think you’re never going to find someone like your ex and you’re never going to fall in love again. But trust me, you will! And you’ll probably fall in love harder than you did the other times.
Breakups are learning curves and stepping stones into making you the person you were always supposed to become. It’s hard to see it at the time but they truly do make you a stronger person.
I’ve learned a lot of things from my break-ups and after my first one, I actually made a plan of how to handle my next one, if I was to go through it again (which I did). I’m going to share that plan with you as I really do think that having a break-up plan helps you focus on getting through one.
Days 1 – 3
Cry! Let it all out and don’t feel embarrassed about feeling upset. If you want to hide away in your room from everyone and eat ice cream all day, then do so. This is your time to get all your emotions out, whether they be in tears, anger, laughter or whatever! If you feel really low though and think you can’t handle things then do go and see your doctor for advice. I’m no medical professional so I can’t really give advice on what could be depression.
Days 4 – 7
Talk to your friends and family about how you’re feeling. Start making plans for nights out or holidays. The most important thing to do during a breakup is to focus on the positives and to always be busy. Days 1-3 were to have your “me-time” but you’ve got through those days now, it’s time to get out the house! Go for dinner with your mates, or to the cinema with your family – it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you’re not on your own and you’re not going back to your ex.
Your head should be a lot clearer now; you’ll obviously still be upset but keeping busy should have helped over the few days before. Go on walks every day and listen to music – NO SAD SONGS! Make a playlist and name it ‘Independent,’ put some Beyonce tunes in there and sing your fucking heart out! You are one independent woman and nobody is going to make you feel like you aren’t.
Go on a night out! Get your friends together, dress up, buy some drinks and have a bloody good time. Alcohol can obviously make you feel one of two ways; great and confident or really damn miserable. As long as you’ve got some good friends around you then it shouldn’t matter too much as hopefully they’ll have your back, however you feel. Treat yourself to a nice greasy fry-up the next day.
Stop talking about your ex. It’s been almost a month since the relationship ended and your friends and family are probably sick of hearing about them! Of course, if you really need to rant about your ex then do so, but just make sure you’re not driving your mates mad by talking ONLY about them. Your ex does not define you so stop bringing them up all the time.
By now, you should have a bunch of plans to look forward to, whether they be holidays, nights out or even spa days, so why not go and buy yourself some new clothes or treat yourself to a hair cut or colour change? Your ex is long gone now and you’re a brand new woman. Show yourself off!
Week 6 +
Find a new hobby or skill you enjoy. The first few weeks of the break-up were about getting you through the hard times but now you need to focus on the person you’re destined to be. I took up kettle-bell workouts during my second breakup and transformed my body from chubby to toned. The workouts not only made me feel great, they made me look great too. The reason I didn’t put this tip in the earlier weeks is because you need to be dedicated to your new hobby/skill and when you’re upset, it’s sometimes hard to stay consistent with things. If you discover a new hobby during week 3 though, then by all means go for it! The sooner you find something you enjoy, the better, but you just need to make sure you stay dedicated to it.
And there we have it, my tips for getting through the first 6 weeks of a break-up. Now by no-means am I saying that you’ll be over your ex within these 6 weeks, but you should 100% not be focusing completely on them. These tips were to help you find yourself and to get you over the “tough bit.” Breakups are different for each person and I obviously haven’t included finding someone new, as everyone goes at different paces and you might not feel ready within 6 weeks to meet up with another love interest (or shag, whatever floats ya boat). Then again, you might have found someone new within the first two weeks! I know a few people who have done that and that seemed the make them happy at the time. The main thing to remember is that YOU are the only person who can define you, and no ex or current boyfriend/girlfriend should do that for you. Find the things that make you happy and never look back!